Monday, 3 July 2017

and then I fell asleep, 3/July/17

how long will it take for me to go to sleep this time.....
..... and from when do I start counting?..... is it when I say to myself, "ok, now I'm going to sleep"?.....  and why don't I ever know the exact precise second I do actually fall into actual sleep?...... is dozing the same as sleep or just a kind of parody, a half-hearted can't be bothered kind of sleep........
...... after all these years and practise at sleeping I've never managed to feel like I'm 'there' at that moment........ it's like my brain says "look! what's that over there!" distracting me to looking the other way and then bang! asleep!... and the only way I know I've been asleep is when I wake up.... it should it be like an, 'on your marks- get set- go!' thing.......... then you'd know and not be left going grrrrr.......
..... to pile insult onto injury I can't even pinpoint the exact absolute second I wake up..... that's just not fair is it?......... and where is that line between being awake and asleep anyway, am I awake when I'm aware I'm awake?..... what about when I wake up in an actual dream thinking I'm awake but not?..... it's all a bit messed up really isn't it.......
....... I'm know when I'm not asleep, mostly anyway, but then there's a 'hey presto! you're asleep' moment that forgets to let me know, then it's too late and I'm waking up thinking, "damn I missed it again"......
.................................... these are the things that keep me awake at night, or not so it seems.......... I don't mind sleeping, though hate dreaming, I just want to be let in on the moment.......... it's not like a light switch and yet it is, one second 'on' the next, 'off'.......... it's my body, my brain, my sleep, how come I'm the only one not allowed to know when it happens?.......


© robert greig 2017

1 comment:

Martin Kloess said...

...it might be a matter of timing. (might)