Saturday, 12 December 2015

missing unpresumed, 12th december 2015

when oh when oh when will I start xmas shopping?.... because yes folks I haven't done any yet, at all... not a single gift or card.... I seem to have fallen out of the habit of sending cards in recent years...... truth be told I hardly have anyone to send one too anyway, my xmas card list at one time being somewhat substantial is now more than less so for one reason or another...... I seem to barely even know anyone anymore, not real actual what you might call a social circle.... yes, I 'know' people, but not in a gift-giving, card-sending, meet up for a coffee and chat way..... of the slim few there are we are largely geographically and therefore socially distant...... with some I only know how to contact them electronically not even knowing their addresses, how weird is that...... sign of the times, eh..... a strange realisation, no one too simply hang out with..... last night I woke at just gone 2am and wrote this mainly because I simply couldn't get back to sleep having woken with a passive sense of panic....... it's not just christmas........ I think I'm missing me....... that probably makes no sense at all to you, but never mind, let me waffle...... (food! see, also easily distracted)........ it's hard to explain, a feeling of being missing presumed.......

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