Monday, 31 August 2015

dregged up, 31st August 2015

I remember the trauma of my first ever day at school... remember yours?......... it was horrendous and I've long wondered if I was permanently scarred by that day, being responsible for who and how I am today..... it's funny to notice that 'who' and 'how' are merely a jiggle of letters away from being each other.......... I recall being strictly stood in orderly lines, or as orderly as you can get a bunch of 5 year old children to stand, in an undercover outside sitting area as it was baking hot outside, this was Australia in the height of summer after all..... I was crying.... yes, I'm that pathetic........ I got hit, well, slapped...... that stands out clearly...... it didn't help, I just felt even greater terror........... I can see the faces of other children but no details or names........... I don't know anyone from back then....... in fact I haven't known anyone my whole life except my immediate family....... some people have friends they've known pretty much all their life........ for me that's unimaginable......... the longest person I've known and still know is from 1982..... even their names have gone........... maybe my demons are a hangover from one of the times I was beaten up....... or the times I was always picked last for teams at school!.... me, the dregs!..... or the time I was strangled til I actually stopped breathing...... school was never the best days of my life..... first days of a new job can be pretty traumatic, but starting school, a baptism of fire and tears and misery........ coming back to Britain from Aussie that was almost as bad, the last thing you want at 13 years of age is stand out...... and an Aussie accent in Lancashire painted a target on my back!

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