Sunday, 9 August 2015

cowpats! 9th August 2015

what are you like at football?........ rubbish.... what about cricket?....... even more rubbish, leaves me totally stumped!....... but what about rugby?..... shocking!.. and scrums, what are they all about?!........ ok, how about hockey?....... scarey!....... pucks and sticks, pucks and sticks, sounds like Shakespeare gone weird......... and far from jolly!......... ok, basketball?........ tend to bounce around with my arms in the air saying "to me, to me!" and little else....... American football?....... what! you must be joking.... anything called affectionately 'grid-iron' has to be eyed with suspicion.... run away!!........ Aussie Rules then.......... rules? what rules? actually, once upon a younger time I wasn't too bad at this, but am not 'once upon a  younger time' anymore........... hmm, well then perhaps baseball?......... what! what!... awful!... am sure there actually isn't a ball at all because you can never see it!.......... then surely softball?........ hopeless...... can you make the ball even softer?........... ok, ok, what about athletics, there's loads of choice there......... javelin?......... my aim is truthfully untrue and I'm more like to stab someone or myself!........ shot-put?.......... if throwing under a metre counts then maybe... or not, throwing a cannonball?... could I use an actual cannon?......... discus?......... dizzy, dizzy, dizzying, no, no, no.......... running?.... everyone can run, how about that?....... not me, I don't run, if I was meant to run I'd have been born a cheetah, and I'm not..... can I walk in it?....... yes, there is racewalking, so that?........ race?... me?..... doesn't that make your bum look weird?.......... so marathons are out of the question then?......... /cue uncontrollable laughter/.......... hurdles?........... can I have a ladder?... no?....... ok, then, no....... high jump?....... are you being tallist?!... just because I have long legs everyone thinks I can jump high!......... long jump?........ that's just playing in sandpits isn't it?......... ok, ok, here we go, how about hop-skip-and-jump?........ well, I can hop, and skip a bit anyway, and even jump, but putting them altogether I think I'd forget where all my limbs are........... got it! got it!..... cowpat-tossing!......... now you're talking, oh yes, I could do that....... oh, hang on a minute, do I have to touch them?.......

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