Friday, 15 November 2013

the quiet dark, 15th November 2013

some morning I just lay there not getting up..... waking early, very early, and ponder...... often worry.... I'm a worrier, no getting away from it, it's one thing I am good at......... I find pessimism healthy, even though to contradict myself I find it doesn't always do me much good...... it can help to minimise the chance of being overly disappointed when things don't work out for one thing or another...... the outcome for most things (oops, there is my pessimism showing again)..... so when I lay there I often do worry about something or another....... sometimes I just listen, there in the dark..... sometimes I can feel myself stopped, in between two ticks of the clock......... thinking of an earlier blog I did a few days ago, maybe I am neither here, nor there........ some call it limbo..... although limbo is a place, it must be, because it has a name, a definition, it has a place in space and it usually implies waiting to take the next step, mid-stride......... I'm perhaps not so much there as I don't feel I'm anywhere when I do this, and have no desire to be anywhere or any time.... I did it this morning...... took one final solace from the quiet dark before I knew, eventually, I would have to move a muscle......... which I did, eventually..........

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