Wednesday, 27 November 2013

silent noise, 27th November 2013

sometimes...... the darkness doesn't offer quite the succor it normally does..... that blanket of invisibility where because I can't see anything then nothing and no on can see me.... or touch..... just my bare breathing to give me away....... sometimes....... it's just silent noise........ clambering......... not cradling but crushing........ not soothing, but smothering......... harshly kneading all my muscles and tendons to make them ache and contort........ thoughts flayed and strewn across the featureless black........ all the shadows that stalk me have come at once to reap some kind of delayed revenge.... for what? I don't know.......... nothing helps, not even meditating...... focusing on the breathing merely accentuates the grating........ no amount of reconciliation with all that's 'me' eases it.... it's incredibly selfish, turning in on oneself, turning on oneself...... like consuming myself alive....... sometimes...... there is nowhere to turn........ no options.......... take two ends of a piece of paper and tear it slowly in half....... put them together and do it again....... put them together and do it again and again and....... sometimes..... the silence is so unheard it screams.......

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