Wednesday, 23 October 2013

that outside moment in, 23rd October 2013

it's about letting the outside in.... we do it when we write, opening a door, or a tiny hatch at least.... in a smile or doing someone a favour....... a giving of something, of part of you..... I'm doing it right now writing this....... a conversation, albeit a seemingly one-sided one..... except it isn't, it's just that your part of the interaction comes later, often a lot later......... it's just not face to face, or it is with the words at least, and perhaps some of the thoughts buried herein....... I hate letting the outside in, despite me scribbling this....  but I maintain my own warped form of equilibrium by sitting in this cafe alone, keeping the outside out, at least until I'm ready, if ever, to let it in..... heaven forbid should someone sit at the same table with a "is this chair free?"..... how should I answer?... even I've learnt I can't say no when it is with some cock-n-bull story about my invisible childhood friend who has accompanied me into adulthood, and into this cafe, and is sitting on that very chair......... what kind f signal would that give out?.... maybe I should try it sometime....... instead I'd say, "of course it's free, help yourself"....... despite my misgivings in giving in to societal 'etiquette'.... letting the outside in...... I really don't like my handwriting.... if you could see it instead of these typed words you would be alarmed at its unintelligible calamity...... so here it is in readable form..... somewhat letting the outside in... again...... so is it still the same moment from when I wrote it to you there, right now, reading it?..... of course it is... I think.....

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