Saturday, 16 April 2016

i(dent)it(y), 16th April 2016

don't ask me, I've no idea who I am or even who I'm supposed to be..... I'm called all kinds of things.... english, scottish, anglo-scottish (but I do have some irish in me too, complicated isn't it)... a brother, an uncle, a cousin, a son of course.... who knows, I may even be a dad to someone.... a boy, a man, a guy.... him over there, that (as in "who's that?").... white, caucasian, british, european... old, young, youthful, lazy, random, dreamer...... lonely, unbalanced, depressed, useless, useful, unhappy, dark, angry..... protestant, atheist, agnostic, eclectic.... pessimist, cynic, passionate...... distant........... I'm called me, you, sometimes summed up in a glance, a first impression..... that's what I tend to do, first impressions seem to be what I do unconsciously in that they will stay with me about someone forever whatever else I subsequently get to know about them....... it's unavoidable, I can't help it, just happens and for good or bad that's that....... which now I wonder is it such a bad thing?......... it's made with little information, in other words not a lot of excess baggage about someone which might taint any opinion......... most of us like to think wysiwyg about ourselves, 'what you see is what you get', but in truth that's not the truth.... in truth we're layers, of roles, personas, temperaments, moods, emotions, some of which we only let out to play occasionally..... we're a painting that's constantly being over-painted with another and another stiflingly getting heavier and unwieldy..... as for the original canvas, it's buried beneath the burden of identity......

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